Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
