I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
