Are we in a gay sports bar?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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