You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
