so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
