I just pynch a tree in the face
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
