You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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