I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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