i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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