im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
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