your thong is hanging out like whoa
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
