it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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