I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
