I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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