Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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