I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Bring me that man meat
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
