She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
