Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
