Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
