I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Couch. On fire.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
