What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
