I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
