dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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