Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
