I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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