SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
BRING THE BAGELS
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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