He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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