oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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