It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
