Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
