Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
