somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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