I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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