Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
