i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think I have vodka in my lungs
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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