She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
