If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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