it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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