Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
