my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
