i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
