If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
