This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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