At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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