i used baking grease as lip gloss
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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