just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
