It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
