My hand turned me down
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
