It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
