my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
