It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
