90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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