Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
