Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
