i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just cut my nipple shaving
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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