imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When did angry sex become our thing?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
