i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
