i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
