why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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