Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
