My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
