i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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