Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
