It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
