Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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