my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
