I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
