i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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