i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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