After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
