I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
