Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
