All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize