I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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