she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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